Maybe it's because I just read the "Scott Pilgrim" comic series that has great fictional bands like The Clash at Demonhead or maybe it's just a lack of sleep...probably the lack of sleep...but I started compiling a list of my favorite fake bands. Here they are in no particular order:

Top 5 Favorite Fake Bands

1) Citizen Dick

There are so many reasons to love this band from the 1992 movie "Singles," but none top this bit of dialogue where Cliff is expositing to a reporter about the deep meaning behind their band's single.

"Well, I think 'Touch Me, I'm Dick,' in essence, speaks for itself, you know. I think that, you know, that's basically what the song is, um... about... is about, you know... I-I think a lot of people might think it's actually about, you know,'My name is Dick, and, you know, you can touch me,' but, I think, you know, it can be seen either way."

2) Kathleen Turner Overdrive

Of course the actual band name from "High Fidelity" is Sonic Death Monkey, which is also great, before they played as Barry Jive and the Uptown Five. But this transitory band name makes me smile every time. I need to remember to use this as my name the next time I order a latté.

3) Cylon & Garfunkel

Is there anything "Futurama" can't do? No. There is nothing "Futurama" cannot do.



Here's the clip.

4) Rod Torfulson's Armada featuring Herman Menderchuck

Every time I hear about an off-key garage band needing a name I immediately want to name them after this "Kids in the Hall" sketch. I really do think "Trampoline Girl" could be a hit ("She's a tramp / she's a tramp / she's a trampoline girl"). Here's the wikipedia description:

Rod Torfulson's Armada featuring Herman Menderchuk was a recurring sketch about a very bad garage band that had no hope of ever becoming real rock stars, but nevertheless took themselves very seriously and argued constantly about every aspect of the band's career, sound and look. The sketches starred Bruce McCulloch as Rod (the drummer), Mark McKinney as Herman (the bass player), and Kevin McDonald as the lead guitarist. A recurring theme of the sketches was how McDonald's character, despite writing and singing all the songs and being the only one with any real talent, was the least respected member of the group. (He is the only one whose name is not part of the group's name, and in one sketch, he is forced to begin paying the others a salary in order to avoid being kicked out of the band.)

5) Dingoes Ate My Baby

These make-believe rock-and-rollers come from the "Buffy" universe (Buffyverse).

Just to be clear. Dingoes Ate My Baby -- cool. Dingoes actually eating babies -- very uncool.


Honorable Mentions
- Wyld Stallyns ("Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure")
- The Lone Rangers ("Airheads")
- Autobahn ("The Big Lebowski")
- Smeg & the Heads ("Red Dwarf")
- Camel Lips ("Serial Mom")
- The Shitty Beatles ("Wayne's World")
- Everyone Gets Laid ("PCU")
- Jesse & the Rippers ("Full House")

If you'd like to learn more about fictional bands, please consult your local wikipedia's List of Fictional Music Groups.

Growing up, I learned many things from watching copious amounts of "Mystery Science Theater 3000." I learned that just because something is bad doesn't mean it's not enjoyable. I learned that rough situations can be survived if you can laugh about it. I also learned that a good joke or reference doesn't need to be understood by everyone because the people that get it are going to appreciate it that much more.

Cambot, give me Rocket Number 9 because the originators of the show have returned with a new incarnation called Cinematic Titanic. Their first film is "The Oozing Skull" and with Joel, Trace, J. Elvis, Frank, and Mary Jo at the helm, this doomed voyage is HI-larious.

Sure, the silhouettes are humanoid and not robotic and they're standing on a structure instead of kicking back in some comfy theater seats, but it's just like the good ol' days. And I do mean "ol'." Joel era style. For you MSTies, that means it's less Big McLarge Huge and more Hi-Keeba!

They even performed this live for the extremely lucky folks at ILM (author's note: Bastards!). Let it be known that I will be purchasing whatever other movies they deem fit to release and purchasing tickets for any live shows within a 200-mile radius.

Get your copy of "The Oozing Skull" today!

I've often said that if there's something that bugs the hell out of me, there's a blog out there already dedicated to it. And, while I'm still searching for a blog about having classics sections in video stores (because a black-and-white film lacks not only color, but genre), I have found two blogs about another annoyance -- the abuse of the English language.

1) The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks

I'm tired of ordering "hot" coffee only to find that it is actually hot. If I had been able to get all the signatures on my Scott-For-Master-Of-The-Known-Universe petition, I would surely be instituting grand ideas like the Misuse and Abuse of Quotation Mark Brigade. It has gone on long enough. I'm just waiting for the vlog about the poor use of air quotes.

2) Literally, A Web Log

It always bugs me when people literally jump out of their skin or literally roll on the floor with laughter. Both are disturbing and both could have been easily avoided if people stopped using language so higglety-pigglety.

My current favorite post is about Britney Spears. According to the Access Hollywood, she "is literally on a roller coaster to hell." Wow. That's a much better choice than the highway or the handbasket.

For a counterpoint, read Jesse Sheidlower's essay, "The Trouble With Literally."

As of late, we've been belatedly watching the 1999 TV show, "Freaks and Geeks." I'm going to have to agree with everyone that has ever mentioned this show to me by saying that it is brilliant. And, therefore, it was canceled after 18 episodes.

I should have watched this sooner and you, my faithful readers, should have too. Ergo, I present you with a handful of reasons to queue, rent, borrow, torrent, or just freakin' buy the complete series.

REASON NUMBER ONE
The high schoolers actually look like high schoolers

After a hundred or so too many shows where the [quote] high-schoolers [end quote] look like they could shave their 5:00 shadow en route to legally purchase a fifth of whiskey in their rental car, television school reality seems to be far from normal. I've come to accept that the TV camera adds 10 pounds and 5 years to high school students. No more, my friends. Bask in the glory of believable youth.

REASON NUMBER TWO
Realism without the Prozac

The situations in this show fall somewhere between the gagging optimism of "Growing Pains" and "Saved By the Bell" and the slit-your-wrist nihilism of "My So-Called Life." The slacker doesn't miraculously remember the test answers he wrote on his shoes after he gets busted for cheating. Nor does every plot seem like "a very special episode" where the characters get repeatedly kicked in the face by life's proverbial steel-toed boot.

No, somehow...in some way...this show seems to resonate with my days gone by and the youth of every person I talk to.


REASON NUMBER THREE
MST3K cast members galore!!!

If you are anything like me then you wear black rim glasses, own a duct tape wallet that leaves that sticky black residue on all our cards, and get very excited at any remotely reference to "Mystery Science Theater 3000." If you are like me, prepare for a slight wave of euphoria.

Watch for Joel Hodgson (creator and star of MST3K) as the disco duds salesman hamming it up as best he can. While you're looking, see if you can spot Trace Beaulieu as one of the teachers. Hint: He looks NOTHING like Dr. Forrester or Crow T. Robot. It's probably not all that surprising that they appear in this series since one of the writer/producers is J. Elvis Weinstein (a founder of MST3K).

Oh, and if you ARE like me, you'll get all giddy upon learning about Cinematic Titanic. My copy is on its way.

So, if you are dragging your feet about watching this series, pick those dangling extremities up. Pick them up and kick yourself in the ass for not watching this show sooner.